My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
