Who wears a wallet chain?!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
