Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
