Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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