she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
