i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
