I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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