jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
