who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
