i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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