doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
