He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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