The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
