I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
