just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
