I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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