not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
