Umm I'm too high to move.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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