Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
