I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
