It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
