My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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