Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
