So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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