We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
