Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
