I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
