yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
