a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize