I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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