All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
