I faked an abortion last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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