Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
