I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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