1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
