3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
