I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
