omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
