Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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