Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
