Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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