if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize