did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
