john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
