Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
