Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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