I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
