He kissed a someone with a penis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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