I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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