I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm passing your future prison.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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