Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
