So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
