I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
