this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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