And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize