you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You work out of a Hotel?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize