Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
