Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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