she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
