Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
