he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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