So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize