if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
