Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
