I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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