1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
