This is not my ceiling
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
