I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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