Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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