respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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