so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
