Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
