I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
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