Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
