sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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