you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
