I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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