I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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