when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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