found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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