I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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